3 Ways to Address Unmet Expectations
Stacey is a seasoned partner with a full plate working with her firm’s institutional clients. Annie is a senior associate, intelligent and talented, yet keeps missing key points and misreading situations. After several mistakes, Stacey approaches Annie to give her feedback. Annie didn’t take it well. Stacey checked in with Annie the following day and learned from her that she felt she was drinking from a fire hose. Annie feels she doesn’t have time to ask the right questions or think clearly, given all the competing priorities she receives from multiple partners. Stacey realized then that she hadn’t effectively prepared for the conversation. The discomfort, for both Stacey and Annie, was evident.
This dynamic plays with clients regularly, and is a situation that many leaders find themselves in. How do you address unmet expectations, especially when you need to motivate and mentor a talented associate? And you can’t anticipate their response?
When giving feedback, your audience may become defensive, frustrated, demotivated, or feel unvalued. You may need to figure out what to do or what to say. You may feel uncomfortable delivering negative feedback. If you say the wrong thing, this talented associate could leave or not be motivated to go above and beyond for you and your clients. There are strategies you can implement today to deliver your feedback with strategic poise and leadership. In preparation, you will find confidence and certainty in providing feedback that will benefit both the recipient and you.
1. Identify the real problem.
To communicate effectively, you must identify the real problem. Ask yourself what assumptions you are making, and discern between what is true and what you only assume is true. The telltale signs of poor performance are easy to spot: missed deadlines, low-quality work, taking longer to complete tasks, negative attitude, closed-off body language, disengaged or uninterested, or an unwillingness to adapt to changing environments. That may tie to a talent or a motivation deficit, which can be deadly to your firm’s productivity and morale if left unchecked.
What if the problem doesn’t start with the other person? Unclear or unrealistic expectations that are not well-communicated may be the root of the problem. The Intent-Impact Gap occurs when what we intend to communicate and the impact of what we communicate are vastly different. If there are unmet expectations, it’s worth taking an introspective look at what you meant versus what was received. Is there a disconnect here? What responsibility can you take for the situation? What stories are you telling yourself? Distinguish between truth and assumptions.
2. Be prompt when addressing unmet expectations.
It’s wise to address the issue promptly. Every day with unmet expectations hanging in the balance is time wasted worrying about the situation or trying to fix it yourself. If you’re feeling strong emotions in the unmet expectations, it’s worth waiting 24 hours before having a tough conversation.
When it’s time to discuss the problem, be clear about what you’re looking for and ask for confirmation. Insure your understanding of the situation and next steps is the same as your audience’s understanding. To be clear, you’re not asking them to approve your expectations - you’re asking them if they understand them. Rather than asking if they understand (which will be met with a yes), ask them to confirm what will happen next or differently compared to this time.
3. Trust the Titanium Rule to navigate unmet expectations.
The Titanium Rule guides us to “speak to others in the way they want and need to be spoken to, not in the way to which you want and need to be spoken to.” Our communication styles, personalities, working preferences, and schedules are often significantly different than those of our associates, and one of the most gracious investments you can make in an associate is understanding their capacity for growth in a single conversation. The Titanium Rule will help you build stronger relationships and foster a culture of open and continuous feedback.
What happens if the other person gets defensive, shouting or causing a scene? Keep in mind that you can hold control of the conversation. The more you can keep a calm, focused tone in your voice, your body language relaxed and at ease, and stay on the topic, the more you can help diffuse the situation. If you believe this conversation could be volatile, it’s worth having a trusted colleague with you who can help add some perspective if needed. If emotions, theirs or yours, are running high, I recommend pausing and returning to the conversation later. Don’t wait too long. The pause allows you and your audience to understand what triggers these emotions truly. It may have nothing to do with you or the current situation, but instead has brought up a past experience.
Through this conversation, you can bridge the Intent-Impact Gap, determine their intentions, and explain the impact of unmet expectations on you as the leader, your collective team, your client’s experience, and, ultimately, your firm. If they seem open to your feedback and want to continue the conversation, offer additional support and resources, such as coaching, to support their growth.
The easy answer to unmet expectations is to hope they resolve themselves over time, without having a hard conversation. But that is simply avoidance. Instead, an intentional conversation guided by the Titanium Rule, allows you to identify the real problem, guide the conversation toward a strategically beneficial solution and growth opportunity, and foster an even healthier relationship with a critical team member.
